Jalopnik Feature Ideas

"CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever" (carsoffortlangley) 05/17/2018 at 15:20 • Filed to: None

1

11

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! about the Captiva fanboy got a lot of feedback and has convinced me that posting this type of stuff could become a great new feature. Bonus for Jalopnik is that it is an easy content mine.

Some people suggested modeling it after “Why your Team Sucks” on Deadspin which I would totally go for. As a side note, I often wish they’d get Drew Magary to write a review of his family’s minivan or something. I can see a “why your car sucks” weekly feature doing really well.

Others suggested having “Meh car monday” and “Fanboi Freakout Friday” which I also love the idea of.

My joke idea (now less of a joke) is to just write blatantly clickbaity/hatebaity headlines. Some of mine are:

“Toyota GT86 and Subaru BRZ: To much power?”
“Mustang GT: Worst Car Ever?”
“Mazda Miata: It Really is for Hairdressers and Women.”
“Chevy Silvarado, The O nly Proper Truck”

Or if they really want to start shit:

“Please welcome our newest writer, Alissa Walker”

What would be your fanboy baiting article titles?

winterlegacy, here 'till the end > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 05/17/2018 at 15:24

1

“Automatics: Better Than Manuals In Every Way”

DucST3-Red-1Liter-Standing-By > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 05/17/2018 at 15:25

1

Corvette: The perfect hair loss solution

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > winterlegacy, here 'till the end 05/17/2018 at 15:26

0

Yes!!!

bwp240 > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 05/17/2018 at 15:28

1

Why Buy a Brown Manual Diesel Wagon When You Should Get the Bigger, More Practical and Better Honda CR-V.

bwp240 > winterlegacy, here 'till the end 05/17/2018 at 15:29

4

“ Automatics CVT’s: Better Than Manuals In Every Way”

FTFY

HammerheadFistpunch > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 05/17/2018 at 15:33

3

Intentional trolling > shameless straight face click baiting.

winterlegacy, here 'till the end > bwp240 05/17/2018 at 15:57

0

God damnit I’ve been outclassed

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 05/17/2018 at 15:58

1

Stance: Superior to NASCAR in every way

Meh Car Monday: Alfa Romeo’s entire brand

The Focus RS is overratted

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 05/17/2018 at 18:30

1

‘Six reasons why the Subaru Forester is all the car you’ll ever need’

‘Ten ways to make your cold air intake increase horsepower by 15%’

‘The best car in the world is...’

Stef Schrader > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 05/18/2018 at 18:19

0

I wrote “ I Hate Miatas ” once and—no joke—some turdbucket tried to call my previous employer to tell them to fire me.

Over an article.

Which I wrote here , not there.

While I was employed entirely here .

...

I mean, that definitely proved my point about rabid fanboiz ruining that car. Thanks for the extra credibility, Overly Serious “Let’s Get A Writer Fired” Guy! But seriously, leave the nice folks at my prior job out of it, please.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Stef Schrader 05/18/2018 at 18:26

0

That’s insane. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and cars is really the only thing left on this planet you can hold a firm belief or opinion about that isn’t political.

That is until Trump makes FCA the #MAGA automaker by presidential order.